banana84cj's Xanga

Friday, July 14, 2006

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 02:43:23 GMT

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 03:37:58 GMT

40 minutes

I was able to keep the hula hoop going for 40 mintues straight while watching So You Think You Can Dance with my TiVo remote in my hand. That's awesome!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 23:54:23 GMT

DS Lite

I just went to Game Stop with my cousin to pick up the DS Lites that my BF had pre-ordered for us. Before I tell you about the DS Lites, I gotta say that there are so many geeky video game guys in that store! And they all fit the typical video game nerd mold and unfortunately they all look like my brother too.

So anyhow, I just opened the box and checked out my new toy. At first I was pretty skeptical about it since I don't play video games that often anymore, but it is pretty darn cool! It looks like a tiny apple laptop computer, all in white. And the screen is so shiny and bright, way better than the original DS. Maybe now I can keep busy with the hool hoop and some super mario games!

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 16:45:13 GMT

Jealousy

I've been jealous lately. But it's not the typical jealousy that you'd expect.

Whenever my boyfriend is away, he has a lot of free time to go out and hang with his coworkers, after work or on the weekends. I'm glad he's able to have a good time away from home. But at the same time I get jealous of that.

When he comes back home, he's not in a good mood a lot. He has a lot of stuff he has to do at home. He has to work his day job and then go work his restaurant job. We really are unable to go out and spend a lot of time together because of situations or obligations that come up.

I'm jealous of the fact that he is able to do new things and spend lots of time with his coworkers when he's away and he's not able to do the same with me here. I've tried to not let it bother me at first, but it's just something that keeps irritating my head. Is that really a fair situation for me in this relationship?

And then there's the question of why can't I just go off and do something else without him? It's much harder for me to let go and go out without him. And the fact that my friends are far away don't exactly help either.

We've always had this time issue in our relationship and I've always had to decide whether or not I was willing to put up with it. I always thought that he was worth the sacrifie and that I would be able to live through this sacrifice also... if it were to get better.

So this same question keeps popping up in my head over and over and I always tell myself the same thing... I always hope that it will get better.

But so far it really hasn't.

This really makes me sad. I don't want to lose hope that one day we will both be able to be happy with the time and the space and the relationship that we want from each other. But it just gets harder. And when he's not here, and I go help his family at the restaurant, I miss him even more and I'm upset at myself for even getting jealous of the time he gets.

I really don't know if I'm being unreasonable for feeling this way. He tells me I am being unreasonable, but if I am, then why does it continue to bother me so much?

I need help in finding some perspective about all this.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Sun, 11 Jun 2006 03:21:14 GMT

Shopping with my Mommy

Today was a funfilled day of shopping with my mom. But of course there are always surprises that come aorund with my mommy.

So we're walking around the mall and we pass by The Disney Store. They have a 50% Off Sale sign at the door so my mom says "Disney Store has 50% off." And then all of a sudden she says, "If I had grandkids, I would be able to bring them there." And then she looks at me. So then I ask her, "Is that supposed to be a hint?"

It's pretty obvious that my mom can't wait for me to have grandbabies for her. I've always wanted to have kids before turning 30, and I'm still hoping that that would happen, but I've also come to realize that things never work out the way you want them to. I also want to be ready and financially able to care for my kids and not just start popping out babies. I hope I will be able to grant my mommy's wishes for grandbabies in the future.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Sat, 10 Jun 2006 06:41:46 GMT

The Breakup

I just came back from watching The Breakup with some coworkers. A lot of the arguments in the movie hit really close to home. The movie as a whole wasn't great, but it is a movie that anyone who has been in a loving relationship can relate to.

What I can relate to the most is trying to get him to understand how you are feeling, but not really having the right words to portray what you feel. Sometimes when I feel unhappy, I don't know how to express what I really want so then it turns into a big fight, which is something that I never really wanted to begin with.

I'm so tired of fighting now. Every little thing always turns into a fight and it is always my fault. I wish I could make him understand how I am feeling in this relationship but that is impossible.

With females, it's always the little things that make us happy and the little things that make us sad.

I'm happy when he calls me sweetheart.

I'm sad when he forgets to email me the video he says he's making for me.

I'm happy when he looks at me and smiles.

I'm sad when he yells and curses at me.

Relationships are difficult and it always takes a lot of compromise to be successful. I have to keep remembering the things that make me happy and try to let go of the things that make me sad. It's hard to do, but I have to try.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 01:00:46 GMT

Have you seen baby Shiloh?

That little girl got quite the lips from her mama, but I think she's gonna look like Papa Pitt.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 00:54:13 GMT

Hoola Hoop

I bought this huge green fitness hoola hoop that weighs 2 kg. I've been working out with it and hopefully it's beating my pudgy into shape. 2 kg whipping around my waist... I feel like someone hog tied me with a rope and dragged me around the floor. I remember the first time I did the hoola hoop and I woke up the next morning with bruises. I'm gradually getting used to the hoola hoop now and can keep it going for 20 minutes straight. I still working on keeping it going for half an hour.

There's been so much to do at work lately and I'm starting to get really irritable with people. I like having a lot to do, but I don't like it when I have a lot to do and people keep coming up to me and ask for favors. I like helping people out, but don't take advantage of me!!! Grrr.

I just finished eating a halibut that my dad caught yesterday. We fried up a filet and it was pretty good... very meaty. But everytime I eat fish, I don't want to have fish again for a while. I really want ice cream, but I'm trying to control my urge and settle for ice cubes instead. Or maybe I'll go find a sno-cone station and ask them for a sno-cone with no syrup.

I miss my baby. He should've been back today, but there's still another whole week to go. He's been really busy lately too so I haven't been able to have any good conversations with him. I really want to try and distract myself from the telephone. Maybe if I am not around so much, it might start to ring...

Monday, May 15, 2006

Mon, 15 May 2006 03:23:39 GMT

I got a new PINK RAZR phone! And I got my MOMMY one too!

I got to go to the Dixon May Fair and watch Ashlee Simpson and sing L-O-V-E at the top of my lungs.

And now I feel like the biggest teeny bopper ever.

Yesterday was a fun day, minus all the crappy traffic and shitty drivers. Oooh I got so mad at this Geo Metro in front of the toll plaza. I really had major road rage and was about to go kick some ass! There was also an old Mercedes filled with hay, twigs, pinecones and dreadheads... I have the pictures to prove it.

The Dixon May Fair has a horrible parking system but Woohoo for fun times and hard-to-win carnival games.

P.S. I hate the ZIPPER!!!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Thu, 11 May 2006 04:06:41 GMT

Why do some people wear too much cologne?

There's someone in my work building that wears so much colgone, you can smell him coming at least 10 cubicles down the hallway. And then after he leaves, his cologne lingers for at least 15 minutes after. And it's not even good smelling cologne either. It smells like sleezy sweet-talking, money stealing, manwhore cologne. Ick!

Folks, only 1-2 sprays is enough. No need to cover every inch of yourself with cologne!!! And if you really smell that bad to have to cover yourself up with so much cologne, then you need to go take a shower!